Dear Diary #2: Entering Survival Mode. Mental Disorder & Impulse

 

03D826AD-7164-42BE-8F4F-208AC22C3A9FShe needed to be strong for her. She needed to build her strength. She needed to build her confidence. She needed to trace her own path and follow it through. She needed to be certain which direction She was taking with her children.

However, She didn’t do that. She rushed and went on impulse. One of the worst symptoms one with mental disorder could possess. Putting them at risk to be manipulated and be abuse mentally. Simply, because they are going on base on feelings and emotions that are not real. Mhh! The story of my life.

She was weak, very much vulnerable.  she needed love, attention. All in the wrong places, a grown woman living in a little girl’s fantasy.  Fantasy of being love and receiving attention. So, when she found it, she held on to it. So, the little girl in me thought.

She continue to be on a journey, a painful journey. One that she must go through on her own. All her life, mistreatments, misguidance, that’s all she has ever known. The little girl in a grown woman’s body, didn’t know any better. As a result, She continued to go on a merry go round of bad decisions, with impulse.

Inpulse is an enemy. The Devil is alive and working overtime. See, in the moment. She did what she thought was best under the circumstance to survive with her children.

When a mother enters survival mode to survive and to take care of her children, it’s a challenge. Making it through survival mode is another story. To be continued….

P.S. Lina, Me

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