The Fight When Silence Falls. After Dark!

Is possible that I’ve developed a food addiction?

It’s very emotional to finally utter these words. For the past year, I’ve noticed that at night, when everyone is asleep and everything is quiet, sleepy or not, like a scavenger I go and hunt for food. Sometimes it’s healthy, sometimes…most of the time, it’s not.

I would eat until I feed that space, but it’s not a space of hunger. I don’t know how to label it, but I would eat until I felt satisfied. I’ve discussed this for a year with my primary and he had me on a natural treatment, which was very costly, and, for me, it was very complex, so I ended that.

My highest has been has been 140 pounds, and I would be working to get back to 125 to 130 pounds. I’ve always been health-conscious: always working out and eating healthy. After I gave birth to my daughter, the illness that I had before I was pregnant got worse.

The past three years have been the hardest three years of my life, and I say that because this is the first time that I feel that I have not been able to rise above my problems; I’ve fallen many times, but this is the first time I’ve not been able to rise above.

This time, I’m still struggling with my physical and mental health. I’ve joined the gym on-and-off, lose some, gain some. I’ve always asked my psychiatrist to make sure of the medications that she prescribed me and that the side effects are not weight gain.

Prior to this, when I was dealing with my mental health, I would not eat. I lost my appetite. Now, it’s the opposite – I’m a scavenger for food when it’s silent.

I do realize it, and it’s a mental thing. I realized that I literally fight, mentally, not to get up to go snack on something. When I wake up and realize that I’ve won the fight, I’m very proud of myself.

It’s a hard fight at night, and it’s only at night when the silence falls. Why? Why when silence falls? I believe that something I need to discuss with my therapist. It might be with a new therapist…it’s going to be, because I feel there is a need for a change. My paychaitrist, who I love, is leaving. Its a good time to make some changes.

The fight when silence falls continues. After dark….

Is it possible?

My Mental Memoirs

4 thoughts on “The Fight When Silence Falls. After Dark!

  1. Paul Pierre says:

    Wow! Sometimes, it can be a mental thing while other times, it’s a was to suppress ones emotions toward something. People often find comfort in food as a of not being judgmental. Depression also can lead to bang eating as well

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Toni Jacobs says:

    I to eat in the middle of the night . My issue is I have no appetite so if that’s when I can eat , I do so . Double edge sword though because it’s interfering with my sleep which is not happening anyway . I’m trying to put weight on . Just as difficult for me to gain as it is for someone trying to loose weight . Being up all night is new for me . Something recent in the past few months . And I’m not napping during the day . I just keep taking one day at a time . No more or it’s all to overwhelming. Crazy what changes we can all go through. Maybe eating is one thing I have total control over , or at least think I do . It stinks for sure . One demon leaves only for another to take its place ….

    Liked by 1 person

    • Herline Faustin Amegbletor aka Lina says:

      For sure it’s overwhelming and hard on the body to heal. I didn’t know you were not sleeping at all. That’s something I you should address ASAP. Sleeplessness is also a sign of depression. Depression comes in many forms. With you recovering from back surgery sleep is everything for you. That’s how you will heal. Need to talk to your doctor about that. There’s a lot of natural things to help you to get sound sleep which is crucial. I’m worried you’re not getting any sleep. I know what it’s like when I go through episodes of mania and can’t sleep for days I literally want to pull my hair out and start running screaming on the street. Oh love my dear sister please talk to your doctor. Have you tried anything?

      Like

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