In Support Of Mental Health Awareness Month.
What seems to amaze me about this illness.
You have that cycle or moments in your life where you just can’t get a break. No matter how much effort you put into everything, you just can’t seem to make anything right.
But there comes a time. Finally one by one, things are started to turn around, and heading in a good direction. You have hope, eventually with time things will fall into place.
Of course, the average person is happy and celebrating and enjoying life. Just as a person with a mental disorder would.
Nevertheless, this is where the amazement begins to happen, you feel great, grateful, thankful for everything just as the average person.
Then. Then, something happens. You’re sad, you’re in tears. You’re experiencing panic attacks, anxiety attacks and, all of the above. You’re asking yourself, why? And screaming out loudly, I DON’T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY!!!!
So, you start to dig into your resources, using tools and coping skills, you have learned to deal with your illness. Because no one, absolutely no one, deserves to feel those feelings. Especially, when there’s positive things happening in your life.
The amazement: I’m still floored by why I can only have one week of normalcy. If it even last that long. Can somebody explains to me what the “——“ IS GOING ON” AH!!! Inhale & Exhale. Good Goly, this is frustrating.
I want to enjoy my children. I have a lot of love to give them. I have one “heck” of a personality. I want to share it with the world. I’m a people person, I love talking to people. I love to interact with people.
So, I do what I know how to do best. I go under cover. I pretend something I’ve mastered very early. I’ve mastered covering up, even when I wasn’t aware of my Mental Health condition. I want a life, I want a measure of happiness, not for a week.
What’s temporary for one is not for the other. When I exercise, I go hard in the gym I lift after one hour most people would say they had enough. For me, that’s when the high begins, I want more! That’s not moderation, it’s not ok, that’s not healthy. But, hey!!
Finding the motivation to get there. Is another story… The reality of Mental Health disorder.
My Mental Memoirs